The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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