at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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