What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
