ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
