I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
