Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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