i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
