3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i came on her dog
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You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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