I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
