I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
