do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
