Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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