I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
