Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
