Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
