new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
