Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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