I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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