Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
