Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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