Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
