Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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