You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
