it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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