hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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