This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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