You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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