I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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