i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
