we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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