the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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