i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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