I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
