Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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