Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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