So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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