i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
