Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I queefed so loud it echoed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
