i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
