problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
