i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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