mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
