she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
