i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
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You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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