I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
