he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
