the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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