when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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