i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
