would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
