I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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