:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
