I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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