Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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