Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
