Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
