It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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