we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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