Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
