She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
