So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
