Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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