Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
