i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
