she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
