I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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