i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
