They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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