after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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