i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
