My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
