matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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