I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
